Everybody knows that Glenn Beck is bat-shit insane. His nightly ramblings about vast Left-Wing conspiracies, rampant racism in the White House, and illegal aliens are becoming so routine that not only are his critics beginning to tune out but so are his constituents. In the short one year that his show has been on the Fox News Channel, he has become a parody of himself. Stephen Colbert couldn’t have done a better job.
That is all well and good but did you know that Glenn Beck is the Anti-Christ?
That’s right. Glenn Beck is the spawn of Satan, wrought upon the earth to lead his followers into the flames of hellfire and bring about the coming apocalypse. It’s been supposition for a long time by his detractors but the evidence is mounting to turn a half baked theory into a fully cooked pie-fact.
It is said that the anti-Christ will be a charismatic leader who take control of the most powerful media or the day. Television and Youtube definitely fall into this category and Beck dominates them both. He must be charismatic to be able to control such widespread and respected mediums such as these. His show outdraws viewers from all the news-related shows in his timeslot, making him the king of late night crazy-talk.
His eyes are hypnotizing. Beck did an entire episode of his show with his eyes plastered to the screen. It was a split shot with his eyes in one part of the screen and the rest of his body in the rest. He said it was because commentators never “look you in the eye” but I know it’s because he was trying to hypnotize his audience. Learned from his father the devil, this ability was probably honed during the time he spent in a Haitian peyote den (it’s true, look it up). Beck can make people do as he pleases by peering into their eyes and taking control of their souls. His powerful voodoo makes you do what you do. I’m looking at you, Shawn Hannity.
It’s this ability that makes his viewers do whatever he asks. Stand up in town hall meetings and yell at the speakers! They do it. March on Washington America
Fortunately for humanity, Beck is not a very good anti-Christ. He must be the son of the devil that enjoyed playing with dolls when his brothers were out playing football with real feat or scoring with a succubus. I assume Adam Sandler would play him if a movie was ever made of his life.
You see, Beck is losing followers, which means that his mojo is wearing off. Maybe he’s not showing his hypnotizing eyes enough. Maybe he’s distracted by all the guilty pleasures that fame has brought him. Maybe he just has a short attention span and forgot, in his peyote induced haze, why he was originally brought to earth to accomplish. He should be ruling the earth by now but his sponsors are already bailing on him. He is going to have to pull out of his high and do something quick to retain the followers he now has.
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